THE NOT-SO-SOULFUL-MATE

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step our and we can be completely and honestly who we are; and we can be loved for who we are and not for who we are pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares are deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”

-Richard Bach

BULLSHIT! That’s all that it is India. Your soulmate is not the person you connect with, but the one whose family and upbringing connects with yours. It is not that person, who understands you more than you understand yourself, or knows how to handle you at your worst, and makes you happier than you have ever been. NO. It is that person, who the society thinks is apt for you. Who belongs to and is brought up in the same caste, religion, and has similar social and financial status as you.

The concept and feeling of Love and loving someone is frowned upon in India, and still considered a crime. If you fall in love with someone, and believe them to be your soulmate, it’s not a reason enough for the two of you to get married. Both your parents have to love each other. And then your family has to love their family. And families in India are huge. Both of you have 20 relatives, who think its their right to find the suitable match for you. And only God can help you if the two of you belong to different sections of the society, and you most probably will, if its love. For India is a country with huge variations and diversity. In that case, the entire society, will take it upon them to decide whether or not you have fallen in love with the right person. And this is not only with the poor or backward families. Even the most affluent of the societies are like that. Of course, this is not to say that everyone is like that. A lot of people and a lot of societies are moving along with time, but that proportion is extremely low.

We have all heard and read about people who elope, or simply commit suicide when they fall in love with someone their family doesn’t approve off. But there is also a section of the youth, which does not want to do either of these things because they love their parents and their respect in the society too much. Because this section of the youth believes that their parents have given them everything that they have, and treat them like God. So, these people sacrifice their own love, and connection, because their love for their parents supersedes that, and spend their life with the partner chosen for them. Even if they are never able to love their spouse, the way they loved the person they believed was the love of their life.

So, leave all those love quotes, and sayings, TV sitcoms and movies you have grown up watching and believing. Forget all about finding your prince charming and creating that perfect love story with him. At the end of the day, it won’t matter; nothing would matter, if your society doesn’t approve of him. Because lets face it, the society knows more than you do about your happiness. The people who have hardly ever talked to you, and wont even be there when you face problems in your life, are the ones to decide who you spend your life and face all those problems with. And it does not matter whether you two feel connected to each other. You will LEARN to love them.

Because lets get real, even though India is a free country and our constitution allows us to marry who so ever we want to, our society still doesn’t. We might be the world’s biggest democracy, but we still face dictatorship at the hands of the people that live around us. You might be wise enough and have a say in who runs the country, but you are not smart enough to decide who to spend your own life with.

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